Where to begin? I guess at the beginning would be a good place. I woke up this morning prepared to go get my rental car to drive home. However when I got on the PC to print out the confirmation email, there was none! I was sure I had received it, but the deleted folder and the spam folder didn’t hold it. I knew I was in trouble, if there was no reservation I would end up having to hope they had something or I could get something on Monday. I didn’t want to have to drive home on Christmas Eve honestly. I arrived at Avis and sure enough, no reservation in my name. I asked if they had anything at all they could rent me. Their ready cars were sold out or reserved, there was one car they could give me. The issue? It was “trashed.” I asked what the man meant? Damaged? Oh no, it was just dirty inside and needed to be vacuumed, it’s not like there were bottles all over the place or anything. I guess Avis gets a lot of drunk drivers returning cars smelling of beer or something? I didn’t ask. I said the dirt didn’t bother me, so he rented me the car. It was dirty because some guy had it for like a month. I hope he got some corporate rate or it was paid for by insurance, cause you might as well just buy a new car given how much you’d spend renting one for an entire month.

This is the sight I was treated to when I got to the car. Yes folks, that is a condom on the back dash. Now it was still in the wrapper, thankfully. However it was still a condom in the back seat, which indicates sex was probably happening in this rental car. What to do? I needed the damn car, so making a stink would have done no good. What kind of person returns a rental car with a condom in it? For all I know I guess it could have been one of the agency’s employees. Yuck, I know what they look like! So I removed the ickyness and drove home.

This is when issue two with the car was discovered. Now I was sure it was stated some guy had the car for a month. Apparently he had really chapped hands and slathered them with old lady lotion. The steering wheel was greasy, thus transferring the old lady hand lotion smell to my hands. It wasn’t a bad smell mind you, but if I wanted hand lotion, I’d apply it myself. I don’t want it transferred from condom man’s hands to mine via the steering wheel. The fact that he liked his lotion and left a condom in the car, deeply disturbing. I tried wiping the steering wheel down with cleaner, but it still made my hands smell like old lady lotion. Oh well.

I arrived home safe and sound, and this is when I decided to suck it up and hit the mall tonight to do my final shopping errands. I went to Tyson’s Corners and decided to get some food, as I was hungry and wasn’t sure my mom would have anything I’d want. I went to Charlie Chang’s Mongolian Grill/Bistro place, which is in the “food alley” on the first floor of the mall, next to McDonalds and across from Panda Express I believe. I’m telling you all this in case someone googles the place and comes across the blog. Don’t eat there! While what I ordered was quite delicious, half way though I discovered a long black hair in my food! EW! I considered yet again making a stink, but figured getting everyone else in the place riled up wasn’t worth it. Plus I know this happens more than I probably realize, hell I’ve gotten pizza with a hair in it before too. Had it been a little curly black hair, then I would have probably vomited right there and started screaming. I threw it out and walked out. Of course for the next hour I had that feeling like there was hair all the way in the back of my mouth stuck on my tongue and nothing would get it off.

I am going to go live in a bubble now I think.