So this weekend, actually today, is when John’s brother comes down and stays with us for almost an entire month. Prepare yourselves! When I was still on Facebook this is the time of year I dreaded, yet those on my friends list loved it as I would share stories and bitch about what John’s brother had been up to. Since I don’t have Facebook anymore, I will use my blog as my outlet. Yes, I’m bringing John’s brother to a somewhat whole new audience!

For those who don’t know, John’s brother is his eldest sibling, he’s actually about 15 years older than him (maybe more). He lives in Albany, where he used to work for the state government. He recently this past year retired. He comes down on the weekends in October and early November to help with hayrides at the farm. The week before Thanksgiving he comes and stays until mid-December to help with Thanksgiving week and to make wreathes at the farm. While he’s here he drives everyone bonkers. He stays with us because like everyone else, he doesn’t get along with their brother-in-law. They actually loathe one another to the point that one will likely kill the other some day. Because John’s sister, her husband and their kids live most of the year across the street in their mother’s house, John’s brother stays with us. Also the same things that drive me nuts about John’s brother drive his mom nuts, so she doesn’t like him in her house for too long. So what does John’s brother do that’s just so insane? Here is a short list . . .

• John’s brother walks around the house naked, or nearly naked, and its not something anyone wants to see.
• He brushes his teeth in the kitchen sink, which is where I have to wash the dishes as we have no dishwasher. He does this because he can fit his head in there and drink straight from the faucet to rinse his mouth out. Why can’t he use a cup to do this? Because cups have germs that will get into his freshly brushed mouth. We’ll just ignore the fact that Jersey water is likely worse than the germs.
• Last year he constantly left the microwave door open after using it.
• He takes 45 minutes in the bathroom getting ready in the morning, and rather than make one trip in there, will walk up and down the steps from his bedroom to the bathroom several times.
• He tells very long stories, usually about something that happened years ago, and sometimes stories nobody wants to hear about because of what they are about.
• He will walk into the living room when I’m watching TV and stand in front of the TV, as if I am supposed to be able to see through him. John does this too, I’m convinced they must have had to compete for the TV at their house when little.
• Not only will he insist on watching TV with me when he doesn’t know what is going on, he won’t shut up during the show or movie and will then ask “When does such-n-such show come on?” Those are hints that he wants to watch them and not what I’m watching.
• He at some point became a vet, and constantly is giving advice on our animals. Last year he told me Nikko was going blind and clearly was developing cataracts. His eyes are fine, and as I had a dog that went fully blind from cataracts as a kid, I know what they look like.
• Did I mention he walks around naked?

Oh yes, prepare for stories! You don’t want pictures though, trust me. However you may get some safe ones 🙂