That’s what someone googled and somehow ended up on my blog. I’m intrigued. What is a Happy New Year Penis Picture? I guess I’ll have to go google!

From my mom . . . yeah you know I want to do this!

Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations this year

Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn’t realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn’t take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard.

Kind of feel like I gave in to the man by taking him down but my neighbor did confirm to near miss accidents on the busy street next to my house. I think I made him too real this time

So it was fun while it lasted

Click on for the photo!
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I found myself so fired up over an issue today that before hand I really didn’t give that much thought to. It all stemmed from a blog run by the local newspaper and open to residents of our township to post on. Most of the posts are from the newspaper’s staff so far. I had signed up with hope to find some things to blog about on it. However after today, I’m so disgusted I might not touch the thing.

Basically the back story here is that a few years ago a business owner planned to open up an adult novelties store in the township. The problem was the place he purchased to do so was right on Route 70, one of the major highways going through town. People felt it would be a blight on the town’s image, attract the wrong kind of people, yada yada. This all has lead to a lawsuit between the guy and the township which has just been settled. To keep the guy out, the town is paying him $612,500 dollars, which they claim isn’t coming out of our taxes, but the town’s insurance coverage. I don’t know, but it would seem to me that the township’s insurance fees might go up a lot after this, and where will they get the money for that? Also I think they should have lost their insurance coverage after that amount was paid out. Why? Because I don’t think we should be in the habit of paying off or running out business some people don’t think are “proper.”

Early this morning this post appeared on the blog in question. I read it and had no issues, it was well written, not that controversial and I just thought “whatever.” The only thing I got a chuckle about was the quote of the woman saying “I don’t think that’s the kind of business you want in the same place where children are playing.” Everyone knows where this shop was going to be, and if kids are playing there they are more likely to get run over by the traffic on route 70 than exposed to something seedy from the sex shop.

A few hours later came a similar post, but this one from the township themselves. This is the post which infuriated me. Not because people and the township didn’t want this guy or his business here and basically did everything they could to run him out, but because of the words used in the article.

First up is our glorious Mayor Bernie Platt saying “This immoral business was a direct affront to the integrity of the Barclay Farm neighborhood and our town’s values.” Oh Mr. Platt, as a politician, you really shouldn’t go calling other people or their businesses immoral. Political karma is a bitch and a nasty one at that. Pretty much every politician in the last few years involved in any kind of sex scandal was also it seems a “moral crusader” as well. Imma just saying!

What really ticked me off was the line “Moving forward, the Township revised its zoning laws in 2007 so this type of ambush by a purveyor of smut never happens again in Cherry Hill.” “Purveyor of Smut?” Did we really just say that? I’m sorry, but do I live in New Jersey or the bible belt? I felt like I had been warped to that state (Arkansas I think) that banned the sale of all adult novelties.

On a side note, an article I found on The Courier Post’s website has an almost identical quote from one township spokesman Dan Keashen. Oddly missing is the probably slanderous and libel “purveyor of smut” excerpt.

Now I don’t make it a habit to frequent these stores, but I don’t think we should be denying their existence to people who might want to. I, like most of us adults, have gone into one out of curiosity. I mean in Philly it was a fun silly thing to do with friends. Here in Jersey I accidentally walked into one though as I thought “Fantasy Gifts” was a whole different type of store

It seems a lot of the brouhaha over this is that this was a “residential neighborhood.” Again, it’s on a major highway intersection surrounded by Jersey strip malls. I drive down these street multiple times a week, I never see “kids” playing about or what not. I don’t even see residential houses. I see traffic, lots of traffic and stores.

If people here were worried about protecting their kids from this “immoral smut,” well newsflash, it’s easier for your kids to find porn online than it is to actually get into one of these stores, which always have someone at the counter watching everyone who comes in.

To be quiet honest, I think we also know any one of us can go to any number of regular bookstores in the area, find the dirty magazines on their shelves covered by cardboard, or go to the “Adult Self Help Section” and find any number of books on tantric sex, the kama sutra and all sorts of other “smut,” all with fairly explicit colored pictures. Yes I’ve looked at them, and so have most of you!

However something makes me think the township would not use these words to talk about, oh, Barnes and Noble? I mean can we see the township saying “Say no to getting S&M and B&N!” I don’t think so, because they would then be squashed by the lawyers from the corporate giant.

From now on, whenever I need any kind of “adult products,” rather than going to CVS, that certain aisle in the grocery store, or ordering online; I will go out of my way to give my money to the few remaining “purveyors of smut” in the township, before people decide to run them out of town too.

Oh, and by the way, once the sex shops have been run out . . . who will the empowered people come after next? My guess is the dirty gays hanging their pride flags out where everyone can see

Drove back to my Jersey home today. Just some random ramblings here

• The house shockingly isn’t a total disaster.
• The bunny had no water and almost no food left (John claims he had both last night).
• Percy had no wet food, so I had to go buy him some.
• I also had to get dry food and litter, which they were out of.
• Scrubbed cat puke out of the bedroom carpet.
• Picked up cat puke from the dungeon basement (this was old cat puke that John just ignores).
• Cleaned cat pans (so gross!).
• Washed silverware in the sink (I left it with no dirty dishes).
• Filled the feng shui fountain which was bone dry.
• Dumped the pet food water and refilled it (the cats knocked a food dish into it, it was gross).

Anyways, I am getting ready for the “Harper’s Island” finale now

It’s no secret that I LOVE my Wonder Woman! Well a new animated movie came out this week on DVD. So of COURSE I had to have it! Not only did I get it, but I got a super sweet (ie kinda crappy) exclusive action figure with it. Hey, it will be a collector’s item one day (in 20 years).

So what did I think after watching it tonight? Fricken Awesome that’s what! Of course it would be, it’s Wonder Woman! The only Wonder Woman movie/show that ever sucked was that 70s Kathy Lee Crosby version made for TV. Totally horrid! I do fear if they ever make a real live action Wonder Woman movie it will end up like the Cat Woman movie staring Halie Berry. *Shutters!*

This movie basically tells of Wonder Woman’s origins, meeting Steve Trevor and coming to the US. It’s been totally updated though, no WWII and Nazi stuff. It also brings in Ares as her main foe in this one, but Cheetah makes an appearance in there too I’ve already been “informed” a sequal is in the works.

The animation is great, but even better, the voice acting! Kerri Russell plays Wonder Woman, while Nathan Fillion rocks as Steve Trevor. His one-liners are fantastic in this film. Alfred Molina plays Ares, while Rosario Dawson is Artemis. Virginia Madsen rounds out the all star cast as Queen Hipolyta.

Everything from the story, to the animation, to the acting was a treat. This isn’t Wonder Woman for the kids or grandma either. There is blood, there is ass kicking and there is some sexual references in there!

Rent it! Buy it if your a Wonder Woman nut though.

I just think this is hilarious

I ripped this off from Hot Lunch/

How to Play:

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 5 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

Okay I’m not tagging anyone, but anyone who reads my blog and wants to play, feel free to do so and link back in the comments

——— GAME ON!! ———–

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY”, YOU SAY?
Word Up!

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
King of the Road (Uhg, this is one of the few albums that is NOT mine!)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
It Feels So Good (Oh baby!)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Firesign (Skid Row, I guess this one doesn’t work lol)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Welcome To My Truth (Hmmmm)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Same Old Story (Okay I guess that works)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Fever (They think I’m sick apparently)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Heroine (This is a Shakespear’s Sister song, and it’s not about the drug lol)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Maybe Today (Um, okay)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Love In December (Well it is December?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
The Nobodies (Wow, good thing I have several best friends . . . who are nobodies)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Remember The Words (clearly I can’t remember what I think about them!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Big Guns (I own no guns, maybe this is a metaphor for something else . . . )

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Haunted (I already am, thanks!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Monument (no comment!)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Lovers In The Backseat (Clearly they think I’m a slut)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Breezin

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Electric Moon (Ummmm)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Yes! (Ukay)

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Terrible Thought (Too funny!)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Stabbin’ Daggers (Have I mentioned I used to have recurring dreams of being stabbed or shot? I’m not amused)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Eyes Wide Open (Isn’t that a Tom Cruise film? Yeah I regret it, so does he)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Why Should I Be Sad

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Future Lovers (That makes me sad! Can we reverse the last two?)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Give Me A Reason (hahahahahahahaha)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Depressed (Okay I’ll buy that)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Sweet Little Sister (Too bad I don’t have one)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
18 Wheeler (No idea, maybe it’s a metaphor for something I did when I was 18)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Ordinary Day

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Sorry (Our Lady Peace, not Madonna)

Scary Screamer, available for $3.99 at Target. A small price for a toy that will take your soul! There is something disturbing about the noises it makes. I’m sure some hear messages from it, messages to kill . . .

So I have been wanting to post this for a few days now, but didn’t know how to honestly. I found this over at Keep It Simple and just about died of laughter when I saw it.

Of course the problem is it’s not the most polite thing to post, and I know a lot of women read this blog and could potentially be insulted by this. Well since Aravis referred her readers to a site which in fact used the word “Coochy,” I felt I could get away with this. I do though have to state that for some reason out of all the words on the page I was for some reason drawn to “Coochy” immediately. It was like a magnet that attracted and repulsed me at the same time.

I will, for the faint of heart, post this under the fold. If you wish to see what made me laugh so much, read on. Fair warning, it discusses the female anatomy. There is absolutely nothing dirty in the image, nothing X-rated, and even no profanity.

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Why is it that whenever people enter the Target parking lot they seem to completely forget how to drive a car? Is it just the excitement of the amazing sale prices and loads of crap they plan to buy that makes them not pay attention? Or perhaps calling it TarJay too much convinces them they are in France and have to drive on the wrong side of the road?